How to help a friend going through DV
If you suspect that a friend or loved one is experiencing abuse from their partner, initiating a conversation can be challenging and uncomfortable.
It's important to recognize that you can't force or "rescue" your loved one from an abusive relationship. If they choose to remain in the abusive relationship, they should know they have your love and support.
Here are helpful tips to support a loved one who may be in an unhealthy and abusive relationship:
Offer support without judgment or criticism
There can be various reasons why a victim stays in an abusive relationship. Assure your loved one that it's not their fault and that they are not alone.
Respect their decisions, even if you disagree. Avoid criticizing or guilting them – your aim should be to assist, not hurt.
Here are some talking points you can use:
"The way you're treated is not your fault." "I understand this is a difficult topic, but you can always talk to me." "I care about you and am here for you, regardless of the situation." "You're not responsible for their actions." "You don't deserve to be treated this way."
Express concern for their safety
Let your friend know that while you respect their choice to remain in an unhealthy relationship, you're worried about their safety.
"I've noticed what's happening between you and _______ and I want to help." "You should never be treated like that. Healthy partners don't act that way." "Their behavior is wrong. Love doesn't involve threats or violence." "I'm concerned for your safety and afraid things might escalate." "Promise me that you'll come to me if you need to talk."
Assist in creating a safety plan
Helping your friend or loved one establish a safety plan is an effective way to ensure their safety while in an abusive relationship. Consider these steps when working on a safety plan:
Assemble an emergency bag. Help them gather essentials like money, keys, medicine, important documents (birth certificates, IDs), extra clothes, and crucial phone numbers. Suggest they keep the bag at your place for safekeeping in emergencies. Collaborate on escape strategies. If they live in an apartment building, ensure they know all exits. Plan routes to transportation and safe locations. Consider alternative routes for emergencies.
Avoid confrontations
Recognize that there are reasons why individuals facing abuse may not reach out. Gauge their readiness to discuss their experiences and offer support accordingly.
"I'm here whenever you're ready to talk, but I'm also here if you're not." Remember, you have support – I'm here whenever you're ready to open up."
Ask how you can be helpful
Avoid making decisions for your friend, as it may discourage them from confiding in you. Instead, focus on being supportive and encouraging.
"I want to help. How can I support you?" "What can I do to help keep you safe?"
Encourage seeking help
Offer suggestions for additional support. Help them explore resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE) or New Hope's 24-hour hotline at 1-800-323-HOPE (4673).
"Here's the number for our local domestic violence agency. They provide counseling, shelter, and support groups." Or, if applicable: "They can also assist with understanding the legal system, accessing community resources, relocating, or providing support for your children." "Let's work on a safety plan." "If you need to involve the police [or court or a lawyer], I'll be there to support you."
